Another good option is the positive discipline series by Jane Neilson.
I use it at schooland it works well for children who need to have a voice. Here's an example of a recent interation:
Me: "I noticed you've used a crayon to draw on the floor. Would you like for me to hold the caryon or would you like to place it on the table?"
Child places crayon on table. (Note I gave two choices that I feltt comfortable with. I just wanted crayon out of his hand!)
Me: Thank you. The floor needs to be restored. Are you going to scrub it with a srcub brush or a rag?"
(Note: to clean or not to clean is not the choice. How to clean the child can choose.)
Child: With a scrub brush.
So the child and I fixed a bowl of soapy water, and he scrubbed the floor with it.
SOMETIMES, it comes down to saying: Do you want to do it on your own or do you want me to help your muscles? In which case I will gently take the child's hand and move the blocks into the basket with his hand.
Other stock phrases like: "I see you are interested in throwing. After you put the block back in the basket, I have some balls that you could throw outside." also help me alot. BUT you have to say it with confidence. As if you know the child WILL follow through, 3 & 4 year olds are learning all about what works with different adults, and whats acceptable, what gets them the attention they desire, and what makes you do that "crazy" dance!
The goal of positive discipline is to teach logical and natural consequences while still communicating unconditional love. Good LucK!