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If you're asking about how you know when you said "yes" to the right match (i.e., before you actually meet the child)....
We said no to a pre-adoptive placement just before we said yes to our son. Our social worker called one day to tell us we had been matched with a newborn and DSS wanted us to bring him home in three days. Everyone thought we should be thrilled - a newborn already on the adoption track (although legal-risk) is pretty rare around here. But my gut just said no, no, no this isn't our kid. My husband and I talked for two days, but decided to go with our guts. We said no, and figured it would be months before we got another call.
Two days later we got another call from our social worker about another possible match. This time my gut and my heart said YES, THIS is our son! And he is!
I'm usually the type of person that has trouble making decisions and second-guesses my decisions after the fact. This has been one of the very few instances when I knew I made the right decision and have never looked back.
I don't know if it happens that way for everyone, but it did for me!
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