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ang-n-noel is absolutely right. As soon as you try to force a child to eat anything, you've pretty much lost the game, IMO. The quickest way to an eating disorder are the tactics and strategies some of you are talking about. Especially with kids for whom control is already an issue, you are really playing with fire.
This is a little OT, but the eat everyting on your plate rule falls into this category, too--fastest way to train a child for an eating disorder ever. When this happens, the child is being trained to ignore his/her body signals regarding fullness and satiety. A full portion for one person may be too little or too much for another. You can't measure your way through life, you need to learn to listen to your body.
Also, no one needs to eat everything everyday. It is OK to listen to your body and heat mostly fruit one day, mostly protein another, etc. As long as there is the right variety and proportions over time, it is fine. As long as the person is healthy and listens to their body's signals, it is fine.
The best way to ensure that not too much junk is eaten is to simply not have it.
On the vomiting, take it seriously. IT HAPPENS. It used to happen to me when I was little. There is a genetic predisposition, I forget what it is called, but there is some chemical in veggies that hits the tongue a certain way in people having this gene and makes them gag. Some of us grow out of it, some don't. Cooking brings it out more, but vegs like broccoli really bring it out.
Most veggie-averse kids will still eat raw carrot or celery sticks with a dressing that they like (it doesn't have to be ranch). Some will venture into sliced cucumber (peeled). You can try different types of leafy greens BY THEMSELVES--no other vegs added--in small amounts, with or without a dressing they like.
Wraps can be fun. I use one of those veg platter things and put it on our lazy susan in the center of the table. There is usually an assortment of things like shredded carrot, cucumbers, cheese shreds, chicken strips, cashews, green pepper, onion, raw brocoli, etc. (I don't eat the broccoli, eww).
Some kids like raw green beans, too. My veg-averse one will eat them any time it is a contest with her sister, who loves veggies. Not a fair contest, but she can't resist competing.
If they like whipped potatoes, you can get a lot of cooked and whipped cauliflower and zucchini in there without them knowing. Go easy on the cauliflower, though, as sometimes it has that distinctive odor. Start by adding small amounts and get them used to the slightly different flavor slowly. If you flavor the potatoes with butter or onion (if they like it), so much the better for disguising other things.
On dessert, if there is dessert, there is dessert. It cannot be used as a reward or a punishment. It must just be there in a reasonable portion. If kids are eating too little dinner and too much dessert, stop having dessert at all for awhile.
If they like fruit, focus more on providing different kinds of fruit into their diet.
Good luck. If this is their main "issue," you are doing well.
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