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It does work...alot! From the things you said it may be best to let the kids stay where they are...and maybe get visits. I know its hard when your family members need help..been there, but its not always best to intervene. I really wouldnt think twice about family being mad at me, but the fact that it would effect me and my kids, would play a HUGE part in my decesion. When AD bio mom (my great-neice) was preg again they asked if DH and I would take baby, we declined since AD was only a year and half and I was 6 months pregnant, it was not best for our family. We did request to be in contact with new babies adoptive family, and we are. Let us know what you choose to do!
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