[peregrinerose]

Do your children make other major household decisions for you? Did you consult with the first child regarding whether or not they wanted a younger bio sibling prior to having a second child? Probably not, but just like all of other major decisions, your kids are old enough to give input, voice concerns, etc. I wouldn't phrase it as 'do you want to adopt or not' because that gives them the power to run your home, which isn't appropriate. I would, however, give them lots of information... let them read the profiles, let them be as active as they choose to be in the adoptive process should YOU as parents opt to go down that road. Address whatever concerns they have on a level that's appropriate for them.

As soon as our son is legally adopted, we're going down the road to look for #2. Instead of giving T any option of saying no, we told him flat out we're adopting again. We told him that we both believe he's an amazing person and would be a remarkable role model for a kid younger than he is, and perhaps with much more significant emotional/behavioral issues than he has. We made it clear that we think very highly of him and he has so much to offer another child. This has made him really excited about a younger brother. And we aren't blowing smoke with the things we've told him about his worthiness as a role model, we meant it.

My husband and I are the parents, our family makeup is our choice. That doesn't mean we'll neglect the concerns of our kid(s) with regard to adoption.. their concerns will be addressed, but the decision is ours.