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Originally Posted by timleenettesue
To some degree I don't believe children should make this choice. I am an adoptive and bio mother, so I have been on both sides. My children are all equal no matter how they came to the family. Even bio children can come with issues, so it should make no difference what the issues of the foster/adopt child are. That being said, if you were to get preg. would you abort because one of your children didn't want you to have the baby?
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I think I agree with this. I don't think most families with a single parent would let their children, of any age, decide whether or not it was ok to marry someone who would be bringing step siblings into the family. This is kind of the same thing. I think the only reason I would even ask my kids "permission" (for lack of a better word
) is if the child came had extreme issues that could likely negatively affect the family. Otherwise, I'd ask their feelings on it and if they were negative feelings I'd try and reassure them and help my child deal with them. Fact of the matter, kids are moody, they change their minds often, they don't always know what they want and what they want is often time for purely selfish reasons that they simply need to get over (like they don't want to "share" mom, though, I am not saying this is the case in the OP). This kind of choice is a lot of pressure for a child, even a teenager. If they agree to it and things are tough or don't work out they could blame themselves or if they don't agree to it they could regret it later, especially if their reasons were selfish ones.
I don't think I'd allow my child to be the one to make the final decision.