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Ravensong,
I did check with my attorney at the time, and was assured that using hot sauce; while being an unusual punishment, is not illegal.
But you are right... it was the hot sauce allegation that started the investigation. I was told by the SW that came to my house that a child had died in this county from eating a habenero (sp?) pepper. This child was highly allergic and his throat became swollen and he died on the way to the hospital.
The attorney's advice was based on the fact that my son usually uses Texas Pete on his eggs without any ill affects. The attorney also told me that I should have stood my ground and not signed a modification plan to not use hot sauce as a punishment because by doing so it was like an admission of guilt, and if we went to court, DSS would have lost.
My husband was the one that made the threat of hot sauce, not realizing that my son would probably prefer his liver covered in it. At the time of the incident, my son was trying to manipulate his teachers to get out of trouble, and used a large number of crocodile tears during his begging session. I talked at length with the teacher about the situation, and she was very familiar with his great acting career. I know I sound cynical, but I have so many documented incidences from before he was placed with us, and since about his exaggerations and sometimes out right lies. Add that to the fact that he gladly eats hot wings and DSS would not have a case.
He is currently in therapy working through these things. It has worked wonders. He is heartsick that this snowballed, and is now playing a major part in whether we can adopt the two children we found. Before anyone points this out... I did not intentionally tell him, he overheard me talking with DSS on the phone. He will be 10 soon, and volunteered to call the SW and tell them that he is sorry and that my dh and I are great parents.
This is a big thing. Even the therapist thinks this is a breakthrough. If you looked at my posts from 2005, you would see that this is my middle son, and he was very materialistic thinking only of himself. For the first year he was with us he constantly complained about wanting to be an only child and asked if I could send his sister and younger brother back to the foster home. Now, he is willing to share his bedroom with his younger brother to allow the older boy we are looking at to have his own room.
Even if we are unable to adopt these other children, I am thankful that he has learned from this experience. I just hope that we can still work through this and add 2 more to the family. If things don't work out, I am going to have to come up with something to tell him so that he does not blame himself.
Anyway... I thank all of you for allowing me to vent and for not bashing me too badly.
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