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i think i would have to really sit down and think about if the family dynamic would ever truly work if two people were not on board. would that be a healthy situation for the child, for anyone for that matter? or would it be possible that they would come around? that being said, i am in a unique position as my oldest 2 came to me as older children, and were my first children. they were 8 and 9 when we decided to adopt them(after they lived with us for a very short time), and talked to them about our decision. one thing i needed them to be on board with was the fact that we wanted 6 kids. dd said fine, but ds said he didn't want any more siblings. i told him i could ask his social worker to find him a family with no other children, just the sibling he already had (not a threat, just an honest opportunity for choice). he decided to stay anyway. so i still gave him the choice of whether or not he'd be a big brother again, just in a different way. i think it was important for him, even at 9, to be a part of that decision because i felt like if i just told him i would adopt him and he would have 4 more siblings, that it definitely would not have worked out so well. in the end, he is a good big brother for the most part, but i sort of believe it was because he bought into it before we moved forward.
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