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In my state, NC, as a foster parent you cannot use physical punishment. And yes I signed an agreement to that effect. However, once the adoption is final the rules for fostering do not apply. It is legal to feed your children liver and to paddle... as long as you do not leave bruises.
As a matter of fact, one psychiatrist recommended using paddling for extreme behaviors such as when my son took a lighter and burnt several things in his bedroom one night. I can honestly say that he hasn't touched another lighter/matches in the past three years.
Also, I am not an uneducated/ignorant person and have read many of the books and psych literature out there that are supposed to help teach me how to be a parent to my adopted children. I tried everything... love and logic, natural consequences, etc. If you can think of it... I've tried it. My children are now 9, 10, and 12 years old. They have now arrived to a point in their development that discipline is not an issue anymore. I can't even remember the last time I used a paddle.
I have found yard work and house cleaning to be effective. All I have to do now is say "Do you want to pull weeds?". It works like a charm.
As for whether or not my children came from an abusive situation... I can say no they didn't. My youngest 2 were taken from their birth family when 1 was 15 months old and the other was 2 months old. The situation involved a dead-beat dad and a mother that has an IQ of 70. She couldn't get her act straight and provide a suitable home for the children.
Every adoption is different. Every child is different. Even with my 3, I have found different things work other than spanking. However... I do not prescribe to the belief that spanking a child teaches them to react violently when dealing with others.
The liver thing sprang from the fact that I did not want to paddle my child. My middle son was stealing ice creams and fruit roll-ups from the school cafeteria. He took these things not because he was hungry but because he just wanted it. As a result, I felt that giving him something like liver when he stole sweet things would stop the behavior and it did. And before anyone bashes me, I worked with the teacher and she would check my son's lunch once he sat down... and if he went the whole week without stealing, he was allowed to buy one of these treats as a reward. The first week was successfull. But we continued to watch him and tried to reward him for another 2 months. He just kept stealing.
CPS was called one day because he had been caught stealing again, and he cried and begged for the teacher not to tell me because he would have to eat liver...which by the way is an excellent source of iron and is prescribed by doctor's for anemia.
The teacher didn't even make the call... the assistant did. And both the teacher and the principal at the school were upset with the assistant for doing it. They both knew the situation, and felt like she should have talked with them first.
And let me repeat... hot sauce was a threat to get him to finish eating... it wasn't used. However, since I use it in my chili, spaghetti, and hot wings (which he likes), I know my son does not have an allergic reaction to it. It is against the law to rinse a child's mouth out with soap, but using a condiment that is intended for ingestion is not.
And no... I would never force feed my son. I would just keep giving him liver for each meal until he ate it. You don't have to make a kid eat... you just have to provide food. Eventually they will eat it.
That said... I am peeved that anyone would make a big deal out of this and would cause me to be unable to adopt these older children. They are in separate homes, and my heart hurts for them. I was raised in the "system", away from my sister; and want to do whatever I can to unite siblings. That is why I adopted my 3 in the first place.
Just to add fuel to the fire, when we were fostering, and the youngest one would act out or destroy something, the SW over our case said "you can spank him once the adoption is final".
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