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When we started on this road, also looking at older kids (age 12+), we had to sign a contract stating that there would be absolutely no physical consequences at all... hitting, spanking, paddling, etc.
These kids sometimes know nothing but violence, so to hit them or paddle them only re-enforces that. Besides, a smack on the hind end might get the attention of a 3 year old, but is completely inappropriate on a 12 year old.... it teaches them nothing about dealing with conflict.
Look at what paddling does through the eyes of a child that's already been abused and neglected. If you do it honestly, and do a lot of digging through the psych research, you'll probably find much more appropriate and effective ways to handle things.
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pre-adoptive parent to a 15 year old boy and quite happy with the choice never to give birth or deal with diapers!
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