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Has an underlying medical condition been ruled out? Kids in care often don't get the medical care we'd expect for other kids.
Have you tried modeling? Ex. If he throws something, walk him over to the item, use his hands to pick it up, and his hands to put the item up--"like a big boy". Living with Little Guy, I've discovered that what he "should know" isn't always what he actually knows. He really didn't know not to throw things (and still falls back into throwing rejected items).
Time outs are hard. In our home time out time doesn't start until he settles, and is based on his developmental age, not chronological. But time out isn't the end....after time out we have to go back and do what he wouldn't do or model what he should have done. Don't know that it works, but it seems to help him make choices.
Which is something that has helped. I encourage Little Guy to make as many choices as possible. The more control I've given him, the more he's allowed me.....and it meant giving those choices during the same period when he was at the hieght of tantrums (as opposed to the hieght of a tantrum).
I also had to learn that somethings that I expect of other children are just not within his range. People have said that slamming doors is disrespectful----well, maybe. Give me the choice between having a broken nose (which I did get) and a slammed door and I'm a happy camper. Now, if Little Guy is with me a year from now, hopefully we'll progress to just yelling "I'm mad". But right now....I'm proud of him.
Praise has worked wonders.....just letting him know that we still love him even when he's cranky.
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