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How long has he been with you?
When Bubba first came, he was totally out of control, doing all of the same things you describe. He was a new 4 then. We used time out/in, room time, removal of toys, etc, etc. And it didn't appear to make a difference at first--like the whole first year! But, today, he's relatively well-behaved (!) and tends to do as he's requested.
The only thing I can point at and say "That's what worked" would be consistancy. Over time, he understood that my will was stronger than his and I wasn't about to give up.
Also, medication. He is seriously ADHD and the meds, which we had to wait for until 5, have made his quality of life so much better.
Has your little one been evaluated for various issues--ADHD-like behaviors, sensory integration stuff, anything else? Sometimes kids with mis-wired brains will engage in what appears to be defiant, thrill-seeking behaviors because they aren't getting the stimulation that they crave and need. If he hasn't, you might want to talk to someone like Early Childhood Intervention or your doctor to get you hooked up with the right folks.
I know it is frustrating. I REALLY know!
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