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Hiya!
One thing that struck me while reading your post was that maybe the direct approach with your husband wouldn't be such a bad idea? Saying 'I get the feeling me talking to SE's birthdad is bugging you, is it?' And just kind of talk it out between you two. Maybe he just needs some reassurance, you say so clearly here how you realised that bdad was NOT a man you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, and obviously, your DH is...maybe he just needs to hear it? That might help on that front. :-)
Hang in there! Hope your ride is smooth.
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