[JustPeachy]

I know there are several people on this board who have great reunions. Yes, there are also horror stories, or sad stories, but I would try not to attach yourself to those.

I know a number of birthmothers from my triad support group that have very nice reunions with their children, too.

I think the advice to keep expectations low and just go slow is good. And understand that you (or your birthmom) may get blindsided by some pretty strong emotions that can really throw you off base. I think if you don't allow time to process those emotions, that's where the difficulty can come in. Be aware of pullback on either side. It can happen, but I think a lot of the pullback has to do with struggling with those difficult emotions.

I remember one adoptee in a very good reunion was expressing how, out of nowhere, and with no apparent reason, she was just overwhelmed with anger. That was such a surprise to her, because she had never experienced such strong anger in her entire life. She processed this in the group and she knew it was something that she wanted to work through because she didn't want it to interfere with her relationship. It wasn't anger at her birthmom, but just anger in general. Some people might become very afraid of that type of emotion and instead of working through it, just shut down. So, in my opinion, if you have a good sense of self, if you can sit with difficult feelings and emotions and work through them, if you are comfortable processing these emotions with others or in a counseling situation, while it's not a guarantee of a successful reunion, it will certainly go a long way in making one. If you birthmom, and other birthfamily members have this in common (and other things in common), all the better. And finally, I think it is really helpful when everyone is on the same page, and of course, this includes your parents. My son and I are not yet in reunion, but over the years, I've communicated with his parents through semi-open adoption. I know it is important to my son that we are all on the same page and he doesn't then feel like he is stuck in the middle. It is not hard for me to do, because I have always liked my son's parents even though I really knew next to nothing about them when I placed (in those days, the agency selected the parents). Likewise, they have always treated me with nothing but respect.

Good luck to you and best wishes on meeting your birthfamily! And keep us posted!!!