I've been hesitant to post my own experience on this subject, mainly because I know that a lot of people will disagree. But I did go through this exact situation when I reunited with our son back in 1990. After about a year, my then 19-year-old son expressed his desire to meet his birth father, who happened to still live in the area. But he was really scared of rejection, and requested that I make contact with his birth father first. He also wanted me to be there when they met for the first time. In our situation, it was the right thing to do...the appropriate thing to do.
The meeting went well, and I will always treasure the memory. After all, Mike and I created this incredible human being together and brought him into the world. Our son was conceived and born out of love...very much so. He has mentioned several times over the ensuing years how much it meant to him to see his mother and father both together in the same room at the same time. I'm glad we had the chance to share our son, if only for a day.
That was the last time I ever saw Michael. He was killed the following year in a trucking accident. If there's one thing I feel good about, it is facilitating the meeting between father and son. It meant the world to our son, it meant the world to me, and it meant the world to Mike. None of us that day could foresee Mike's untimely death, so I'm really glad that I listened to my gut instincts.
My partner, who I've been with for almost 30 years now, could easily have become jealous...but chose instead to treat the situation with trust and respect and a lot of faith in me. Our relationship was never in harm's way, simply because I was meeting face-to-face with the father of my child. If anything, meeting him one last time enabled me to obtain a sense of closure. And the day I took our son to Mike's funeral, I silently thanked God for allowing that opportunity...
Am I saying this is right for everyone -- of course not. Each reunion is different, and we develop different types of relationships. No two reunions or post-reunion relationships are the same. This is just what worked for both my son and myself. This is what
he wanted and asked me to do for him. And I'm glad I did...
