As an adoptee who is only a few years older than your J----I must say that her behavior should NOT be chalked up to being 18 years old. I think you are doing yourself and your family a disservice by allowing J chance after chance when she has made it clear that her needs will always come first.
I am happy to hear that things are leveling out with her a bit –but I encourage you to think very hard about what you want to get out of this reunion. She seems very much like a member of my family, my birthsister in fact, who has been given the same spoiled and indulgent treatment and acts in very much the same way as J. I don’t think that my sister will ever change – nor do I truly believe that J will change unless she is given some real limits (like the ones you seem to have given to your raised children!)
I really respect your commitment to her- but I would not expect her behavior to change anytime soon- and I hope, as someone else has stated, that you are getting the support you DESERVE. You are a good mother to your children, and I feel sorry that your eldest is giving you the hell she is. It is not fair to you- and it is not fair to your other children and your extended family that she be allowed to come back again and again after she has treated all of you like crap.
18 is old enough to know right from wrong. I hope she gets the help she needs- and I applaud you for sticking by her, though I wonder how much longer you will be able to do it unless her behavior changes drastically.
Go out, get a manicure, watch a movie with your younger daughter, plan a nice dinner with your husband, and do some things for yourself. Know you can always come to us on the forums. I don't care if you are the worst person on the face of the earth- no one deserves this. You are amazing for giving your daughter the opportunity to change- but please prepare yourself for the idea that she might never do so- as hard as it is.
