[browneyes0707]

I'm curious, what makes you think this woman is dangerous? A history of drug use doesn't necessarily equal danger, if she's faithful in her recovery and is holding down a full time job, it's possible she is fully capable of healthy relationships with others. Before writing her off as a dangerous influence on your child, it might be wise to find out more information. There's a big difference between someone who abused drugs, started recovery years ago and has many years of sobriety under their belt, and someone who is actively using and in the beginning of seeking help.

I got pregnant and made an adoption plan in college without my parents knowledge. While I'm not going to say it's the ideal situation, my reasons for it had nothing to do with any issues that my parents and I had, for all intents and purposes, I had the "model" upbringing. It was more pride and perception on my part. I'd hate for my daughter's mother to think that I didn't tell my mom because there was something "wrong" with her. If my mom were to find out about my child, I would not have an issue with her keeping in touch with my daughter or her family, because really it's not my decision. If my daughter's family thought it would be good for my daughter, then she gets what's best for her.

Do you know why she didn't tell her family? I feel like maybe there is more to this story than we know.

Regardless, I think it's up to you as to whom you want in your child's life. Maybe you need to get to know this woman more before you make a decision, after all, that's likely what you'd do if it was anyone else asking. As far as your son losing interest in his birthfamily, well.... maybe, maybe not, only time will tell. You can't make decisions based on what if's, you need to act on the certain now. If you chose open adoption, I'd have to assume that you see that there is a benefit to him to know his birthfamily as an active part of his entire life. Most children don't lose interest in people they have healthy relationships with, so I think your first step is to see if your son can have healthy relationship with this woman.