[lovingmomhappykids]

I also am not her to argue but I do want to understand how Muslims see this issue.

As an Adoptee I have seen all too often the issue becomes about the rights of Parents.

I hope every one will take the time to stop for a secound and not think about the rights of the adoptive parents, not think of the rights of the Bological parents but instead think of the rights of the adoptive child.

Though I do not agree with the child being refered to as the "adoptive son" because that is no ones business but his. But children including myself are not property. We are people. We had a history before we are born and a history after we were born. And we have a right to that history.


What is best for the child is not always what is best or what makes the parents happy. The fact is Islamicly it is more like gardians. Adoptive parents can never be the same as bological parents. Muslims understand this. We can raise the child as our own children, and love them just as much as we love our own children. But God ordained a different parent for them and we can not separate what God has ordained. This does not mean that the biological parent is the best to raise the child or even can raise the child. But one way or another it is important that that person has a role in there lives.

But you also have to understand that God also Ordanied that you are to care for the child. That is infact a greater priveledge than you can ever imagine. God has provided you with a wonderful enjoyable experience that is also a deep form of charity.

The other issue is Muslims have a very different view of family and belonging. Belonging is not determined by name and infact girls often carry the fathers first name and boys the fathers last name yet they all belong.

The other thing is all Muslims are Brothers and sisters and this runs much deeper than I have ever seen amoung any group. We live very much as a community. Our children call all adults in our community Aunty or Uncle no matter what race or family. Everyone calls everyone Brother or sister.

Take my today, which is pretty much typical Saturday. Today we have 3 boys, born contenents apart, but still they are brothers. My son who is 13, white American decent. Then there is R. who is 11 and Indonesian. And then there is H who is 9 and Pakistani. Dispite differences in age, race and looks these boys know they belong together because as Muslims we are family. My son also spend a lot of time with other boys that are his age but if his "little brothers" ask to come over he will never say no. My daughter who is 11 is also spending time with her Baji's (sisters in Urdu) who are age 10, 15 and 17. at the home of one of my "sisters or baji's". I know if I have plans to attend a wedding it is just fine for my daughter to go with friends because the fact is she will come to the same wedding, because we are all family and we all attend the parties, weddings, picinics, graduation(two this weekend alone). And it would not be at all unusual in a Muslim family to send you child to spend time in another country with an Aunt or an uncle.

American has lost it's sense of community and extended family. As a result "belonging" has been defined by a single family. It is very different for Muslim families where children grow up as part of a community and everyone shares responsibility of giving the children direction.

And as an Adopted child believe me no matter how hard my parents tried(and they were good loving Parents). I never truely felt I belonged. I always felt that there was a family I had lost out there that I truely belong to. No matter how kind my parent tried to be I was always the odd duck. No matter what name they called me " I was adopted" . I think now that maybe if I knew my biological parents, I would not have run around with this dream image of "my real family" And I would have realize that I was actually more like my adoptive family than them. I probably would have felt I "belonged" with my adoptive parents much more than my biological parents.

This is the case with my son who is actually from my first marriage. He is very clear where he belongs. He knows his father and loves him but says "he does not belong with him." This is a health kid who knows where he belongs. He has a much healther sense of who he was than the mess of a kid I was at the same age trying to figure out "who I was"

I respect you view and I think you have good intentions. But as someone who has been adopted I can only say. my faith is the only thing that helped to heal the hole in my heart. Open adoption is the best whenever it is possible.

I truely hope no one takes offence and none is ment. I am only trying to explain my faith and my experiences that have deepened my understanding and faith. Adoption is an emotional issue, and everyone is trying to do the best they can for the children. We may not always agree on how that should be done. But our intentions are the same and God willing I hope that will bring us together and not apart.

Peace and blessings of God on everyone.