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when my kids were 8 and 9 and still my foster children, ds started calling me mom almost immediately...even when we told him we would not adopt them ( we were young, they were our first placement). dd would not. but ds WANTED to be a part of a family so badly, and dd did not. to me, what they called me was indicative of where they were in the grieving process for their family and acceptance of this new life they did not ask for. about 6 months after we decided to adopt them (still in our home less than a year), ds asked dd one day why she didn't call us mom and dad. she said she didn't know. but i knew. she didn't want a mom and dad. i was ok with that. but she started calling us mom and dad very artificially after that.....peer pressure from her brother i suspect...and when it became routine for her, it became second nature. now she calls us mom and dad very naturally...but i know in my heart, she will most likely never view me as mom.....which is just a reminder for me that just because you get the title, doesn't mean you get the job. i love her very much, and i acknowledge that just giving me the title was difficult for her. fwiw, i would have let her call me by my first name for as long as she needed to. heck, she is so stubborn, i know there would have been nothing i could have done to MAKE her. lol.
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