[RavenSong]

I suspect that the grief we feel as birth/first mothers will come and go for the rest of our lives. I know that that's true for me. I didn't receive any counseling at all either before or after I surrendered my son. But I did obtain extensive therapy years later. (However, there were no psychotherapists at the time who dealt with adoption-related issues.) I've done all the grief work, and for the most part, the grief is gone...except it does come back full-force at times when I least expect it. It'll only last for a few hours or a few days, and as long as I don't fight it, the grief pretty much resolves itself. But I do have to let myself feel it and go thru it to get to the other side.

I was really surprised a few days ago when I got triggered by a thread. Last week, I posted about what happened the day I surrendered my baby. I was fine after I posted, but a few days later, I suddenly felt this intense wave of sadness and grief wash over me. When I shut my eyes, I saw myself in my mother's house the afternoon after I signed the papers, sitting there all alone. And I realized then that the grief had been triggered by writing about my experience a few days before. After a few hours, I was fine...but I don't think that sadness will ever truly go away. I think it'll probably resurface from time to time...