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Hi Ryan,
Welcome to the adoption forums.
This is just a really tough time for the both of you, and I feel for you.
I'm a birthmother who relinquished my son 24 years ago. I was 18 and had just finished my freshman year of college. Even though it probably was the best decision for me and my son, it was probably the worst decision for me. I know that doesn't seem to make much sense, but no one had told me the sense of loss I would feel, no one had told me how relinquishing a child makes you a horrible person in the eyes of society (although before I did, I was told how it was such a wonderful thing to do). No one told me about how empty I would feel until I found him, and even then, how I would ache at the years I missed and the relationship I can never have with him.
I tell you this, not to make you feel bad! But just maybe to help you understand a bit of what your girlfriend would experiance if she had decided to go through with the adoption (and I guess there's a chance that she might change her mind again).
What I would do, if I were you, would be to research as much as possible what you CAN do to help your girlfriend parent this child. As long as basic needs are provided for, the MOST important thing for children is to be loved and nurtured. I would think that once you see your child, it will help you to feel more connected.
I know it feels like it's not the best time, but what kind of help can you get? Can your parents or her parents help out while you finish your education? What sorts of things do you think would make a better life for your child that you don't think you can provide?
I understand how hard it is to feel like your parents are disappointed in you, they'll get past that. Try not to let it get to you!
Take care of yourself. Share here, we'll try to help you through this as much as possible! Hang in there. Although it's not always expected, parenthood is a fantastic thing to experience.
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