Hi everyone. Our baby's birthparents picked us from profiles at an agency, and we then came to their state to meet them three times before our son's birth. They invited us to the OB appointments and ultrasounds and we went out to dinners, and we all got along really, really well. My husband and I feel like we have a good relationship with them, and that we all like each other a lot. The birthmom stated often that she was so happy with her choice in us, that we answered her prayers, etc.
Our son was born in February. We were in the hospital for the birth and stayed in the home state in a hotel room with him while paperwork got processed. She and the birthfather saw him in the hospital before she was discharged, and then we all went out to dinner before we (dh, baby, and I) went home. It was emotional, especially for her, but she smiled a lot and said she felt good about her decision. She indicated that she probably wouldn't want much contact for awhile, and expected to be distant, at least at first.
So, I guess I shouldn't be worried, but I am. I've been sending her letters and pictures every 1-2 weeks, figuring that if she didn't want to open then, she could put them somewhere safe and open them when she was ready, or ask the social worker down there to keep them for her. I didn't expect her to write back to me, but it's upsetting that she isn't responding to the sw's calls or letters. My husband and I like her so much; she is a very bubbly, warm, kind person, and it's hard to think that she might be really suffering right now. (The sw agrees that it's odd that she hasn't responded to her, since she had been so outgoing and friendly to everyone in the agency throughout the pregnancy, but that it's somewhat common for birthmothers to need some (sometimes a lot of) time with no contact.)
My question: have I been writing to her too much? I really just wanted to be reassuring to her, and to let her know that we love our baby so much, and that we care about her, and that we are not going to cut her out of our lives and forget about her. But maybe my letters are salt in the wound and she would rather me chill out with them? But, then, can't I assume that she could request that the agency stop forwarding them?
Anyway - birthmothers - how often would you like to get pictures and letters of your babies, given our semi-open arrangement and what our baby's birthmom has stated? Do you think I'm just making it harder for her, when I want so much to make it easier?
