[BrandyHagz]

Birth mothers aren’t mind readers. Neither are adoptive mothers, for that matter.

Open adoption is like any other relationship. It takes work, honesty, commitment, respect and understanding, just like all of your other relationships.

If you want something from your relationship with your children’s birth mothers, then the only advice I can give you is to tell them what you’re wanting. Unless you tell them you have expectations, they’ll never know.

Be prepared, however, to listen to what they have to say – it might be that you’re ideal open adoption relationship and their ideal open adoption relationship are two very different things. If that’s the case, I suggest you all sit down and define what it is then create a workable solution for all of you.

You may want X – but unless she wants X too – you’re likely not going to get it. Remember, this is a relationship, not a dictatorship.

Bridge the gap by creating an atmosphere of open and honest communication using real relationship skills that you’d use with anyone else, unrelated to adoption, in your life.