[AlisonMarie]

I never had bad feelings about adoption, other than when I was younger, and my friend was adopted, and her parents yelled at me for saying she didn't look like her adoptive parents. Maybe that should have been my first hint as to the type of people adoptive parents can be.

Anyhow, I never had bad feelings until the adoptive parents of my son agreed to write and send pictures, and then never did. It hurts deeper than you can ever imagine to not know, to have no paths to take that don't turn into dead ends.

I also know GREAT adoptive parents, who hold birthparents in the highest regard. I had one adoptive mom tell me that her birthson's mother wasn't incapable of raising her son, she just didn't feel ready, and wanted her son to be cared for in the way that she couldn't care for him.

I try to believe my birthson is loved and happy, but I do feel betrayed by the adoption process. Nobody prepared me for being effected by it years later. Nobody prepared me for having failed relationship after failed relationship because the adoption pretty much ruined me emotionally, and changed me in ways I never thought it would. No amount of counseling can change that. I feel like I never grew up beyond that 15 year old girl sometimes, I feel like I'm stuck in that time some days. It's not fair.