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Confused,
You have good reason to be confused but you sound like a very mature and insightful woman. You truly are looking out for your child. Have you considered counseling with the bfather present?
AS far as older adoptees "forgiving" the bfathers...its not really that way. Its more theyare searching to find out more about themselves. Often the bfathers have matured but if they haven't there is no guarentee of any sort of realtionship.
Anyway, you don't have to do what anyone else is doing or decided to do. If you in your heart really beleive that you can not keep this child, have no support andworry about ho0w you would be able to feed them then its ok. Have you gone to see what kind of help is available?
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