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Originally Posted by jyoc11
I did find her on facebooks, I have been up in the air if I should send her an email or not. My other dilemma is of our other children and parents who we have been keeping this secret from for so many years. We are afraid of what they may feel as well. Our oldest is 16 and we are afraid that she will be so mad that we kept this from her. Any ideas how we can approach our children with this news? Thank you very much.. John
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I was told at 16 that I had an older sister. I went through alot of emotions the least of which was feeling like I had been lied to my whole life, feeling displaced (being the oldest was important to me) and feeling like my parents couldnt be trusted. I think you need to spend alot of time explaining to your other children WHY you didnt tell them, that you realize it was wrong, that there are no other big secrets out there (that was huge for me) and that their place in your life wont change. I did NOT understand at that age how my mom could love a daughter she had never met as much as me. It made no sense to me at the age of 16. I wanted to be assurred that my place in her life was secure -- and the natural tendency during reunion is to obsess about the NEW child... I would encouarge you to still spend time with the children in the family - one on one if needbe. Dont force or expect a close relationship with them -- it will come with time, and some initial resentment is probably to be expected. I was also HAPPY about meeting my sister (and her kids) and we got along great - but those under currents of other emotions were definitely there. Today I am 35 and of course see things from a different perspective ... but at 16 its tough.