[Dickons]

I have just read the entire thread and all I can say is that it saddens me to see that times really have not changed.

Being adopted means you have two mothers and two fathers, period, you cannot change that fact no matter how much you love your child, how good you are as a parent, or by just being you. You cannot change it. Accept it, get over your expectations that doing everything right can make a fact of life not a fact of life.

Nothing in the above paragraph means we do not love our adopted family, nor that we do not consider our adopted family our family.

I have one family and it includes two mothers, two fathers, four grandmothers, four grandfathers, multiple siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins. My adoptive family only has a fraction of that circle, the same with my biological family...but they are all my family because I am the adoptee.

If you set out to do the best job you can because you want to be better than the childs biological family, then you have set yourself up for failure because you will be chasing that dream forever. Do it because you want to be the best parent you can, period, end of story, no strings attached.

The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier is an incredible book. I read it and found myself mirrored in many aspects, I saw my siblings mirrored there in other ways.

Adoptive parents who are not adoptees should never assume that they can take away the pain, or because they are such sterling parents their adopted children will never feel pain from being adopted. It is what it is and just let us have the pain without it being negated or about the parents feelings and all the efforts put into being the parents. It is part of who we are and telling us to get over it, get counseling to get over it, be grateful for what you have, does not work, will not work, cannot work. It is the core of who we are, we did not choose it, it is what it is.

Having said all that, I need to add that it does not stop us from having a good life, being loving and kind, accomplishing what we want...everything that is part of being human is part of us.

Just accept the fact that you cannot change the fact that we have another family, and that fact does not change how we feel about you.

Kind regards,
Dickons