[Barksum]

Does it ever work? Short answer is, yes, it does sometimes work.

I think that what you want to know, though, is will it work for YOU.

You need to list out your priorities; what are the top three? Probably somewhere on there is caring for your kids. If having a foster placement (relative or no) will disrupt your ability to care for your kids they you can't take the placement.

I wasn't sure from your post if the kids are IN care already, or if they are hovering on the bring of coming into care. When you take a foster placement, what are the specifics that you can/can't take? Do you only do shelter care? (that's what our agency called it when you could only take a child for a few days until a relative could be certified, or a longer term foster home could be located) Do you only do one or two kids at a time? Do you only take kids of certain ages? What are the specifics you have when you consider a foster placement?

If your relatives do not fall within those considerations you have when you accept a foster placement in your home then think long and hard before accepting them. (As you are doing.)

If the kids do come into care (or are already) can you offer to do respite care for them every once in awhile? Can you still be the aunt (grandma, cousin, whatever your relationship is) to them without having them full time? Can you do visits?

Bottom line is that it is ok to say no to taking a relative if you can't do it. This does not make it EASY to say no, and yes there will be some fallout over whatever decision you make. We did adopt a relative, and we did say no to adopting another one. We can't. But boy did I agonize over that decision and it does still hurt.