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I would write down what you will agree to. Then right after the adoption is finalized I'd have the SW sit down with you and the Bparents (not the child) and go over the list.
The SW should be able to present the guidlines in a non-offending way and to be able to say "this is how it usually goes" and take some of the blame off you.
I'd talk to the adoption SW about it now, but have the meeting after finalization.
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