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Originally Posted by Prettyboicris
What have you guys found to be challenging as a man in the process? Whether it be before, during or after adoption?
I ask because everything tends to be female focused in my experience so far. Even a lot of the posts on here start of with "Ladies", "Mom's" etc.
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Well, I'm coming at this from the perspective of a father in a 2-dad family, but being men, we have likely met many of the same issues. We have been fortunate, mostly because it is fairly obvious to everyone just how devoted we both are to our daughter.
Before the adoption, we felt a bit out of place at some of the agency adoption meetings we attended before we made our final choice, but not much. Our agency had several gay couples it was working with, and we always felt very welcome. The strange thing to us was how we came to the adoption process with a lot of joy and as a first choice, but nearly all the straight couples came to the decision from a place of pain at their infertility. We're not infertile (at least from what we know), so our perspective was quite different, although we did empathize. I think some were a bit skeptical about 2 men adopting an infant, but that never changed our own perceptions of ourselves.
Our adoption was a wonderful experience, and our OA is a reflection of that. We adopted our DD from TX, and were very surprised at how open and friendly everyone was towards us (after a moment of surprise!), even at the hospital. I mentioned now and then that I was a pediatrician, so that probably helped somewhat. We were very involved, from speaking to the pediatrician at the hospital to staying with the baby. Our DD's bmom was also very dedicated to having us be seen as our DD's parents, and directed all questions and such to us. To say that she is one of the most important and loved persons in our lives would be an understatement.
After the adoption: This has been similar. We live in a very open-minded area of the country, so all of our interactions (with our daughter's pediatrician, with neighbors, with people in the park or at restaurants etc) have been positive. We have a large network of (mostly straight) friends who have kids, and none has questioned our abilities as parents. And we're darned good parents, if I may say so myself!!
So as men in this whole process, we have learned not to play to others' expectations (well, we never did that anyway). When people mention DD's "mom", we say that she has 2 dads, and that's usually as far as it goes. We've only had good reactions so far. True, a lot of this is focused on women, but that is just how it is. I feel very comfortable on a.com expressing my opinions. When certain topics that are aimed at women only come up, I try to just remain an observer. I wonder if men would be so welcoming were it the other way round - maybe, I don't know.
Best of luck.