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Old 06-08-2009, 12:26 PM
carlismycoolcat carlismycoolcat is offline
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Heart

To the one who is pregnant . I commend you for wanting the best most loving home from parents who share your respect/love/belief for Jehovah.
My mom started studying the bible when I was 12. But as I got older she never taught me anything and I was onyl made to go to the meetings and everything i wanted to do was NO,this no that. I couldn't even talk on the phone with my friends because they weren't wittness. Yet the wittness girls in the congregation weren't allowed to be friends with me either,becuase I was not a wittness technicaly speaking (gonig out in service, studying,etc..etc) BUt it was not my own fault,my mom didn't give me the opportunities and the other kids had their own "clich " so I felt like an outsider. I guess you can I was a drifter from the start(not having the tools to know any better)
so when I got pregnant at 19unwed, I still believed what little bit I was taught(it made more sense than anything I learned in church) , so I wanted my son to go only to a family that were wittness. I think my mom said at the time, wittness did not ever adopt and she gave me some reasons why she thought that(now I nkwo she was wrong) . I never wanted to give him up,but whenever the thoughts did cross my mind , All I could think about was what if the family he was raised by never accept the truth and he does not make it after the end of this system of things. I couldn't bear the thought of him not maknig it to live forever if i ever chose to study the bible with a wittness and then decided this is the religion I really want. So I kept him. I often wondered if he would have had a better life(materialy) without me. I was a single mom and on state assistance. I lived with my parents and it was emotionaly and mentaly toxic for me being there with my parents ,but i was lucky and found someone to marry (not the bio dad) and we have been married aprox 10yrs now. We have two more children together. I do think back with all my struggles with my first child , how much it would have been easier to have given him up,and started fresh with my husband and two other kids, but I also know I would have always wondered where he was or what he was doing. I am happy I kept him depsite being low income and struggling,but you know what, circumstances DO change if you can make it work. My kids have had t-ball ,swim lessons ,we get together with friends kids and they have the most loving parents(mom and(step dad to my oldest) dad),and we are not poor like we were when he was real little. They have a big house and a big backyard, pets and too many toys . I could go on and on.
I would be sad if a person raised as a JW who still believes(even if not practicing) , gave their child up to a non wittness family . I think it is a great idea to talk with elders. A problem I have even now is I feel Im being talked at and not TO . So if you encounter this,just keep trying to find help from other JW's until find someone who your comfortable with.
I still am only comfortable with talking about personal matters with only three woman in my congregation and no one else. I married a non believer and so I continue to have challenges that wittness couples who are both JW's don't have to deal with. Those woman are either married to a non believer or have been through similar situations . I recommend finding someone who has gone through the same thing, and can sympothise with you. You will be surprized how many people may have things in common with you or went through the same thing,they may just not be broadcasting it.
Also, I am sorry your parents are this way. My mom stopped talking to me when I told her I was pregnant. She let me live with her,but I got the silent treatment for the first few months. Then when he was born she helped me a lot with him and watched him so I could work the first year. My dad was an unbelieving husband and father in the worst ways. he would cuss and yell at me and made degrading remarks ,always acting like I committed the hugest crime. He was viciously mean and I cried a lot and delt with emotional abuse from him until I could get out of their house.
If my daughter ever got pregnant I would never stop talking to her like my mom did to me. I would help her with the baby in every way . Not all JW's parents are the same. I choose not to be like how my mom was. If your family can't help you please find some one who can.
Maybe you'll be happy yrs later(although it's hard to imagine it now) and be happy you kept the baby,despite some struggles in the beginning.
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