[peregrinerose]

I differ. I don't think I "deserve" to be called 'mom'. My son didn't choose to have the life he did, he didn't chose to be in foster care for 15 years, he didn't choose to have 3 failed adoptive attempts over the years. He didn't even really choose us... we were his only option, versus staying in foster care, and we were the lesser of two evils.

I chose to adopt due to motivations entirely of my own, same with my husband. That doesn't make us 'deserve' a title. Love and bonds are hard to build, and an adoptive parent needs to have a far stronger ego than one that gets rattled just by not being called 'mom' or 'dad'.... seriously, if that's the biggest problem in your life, you're in good shape!

As long as our son is respectful toward us, I don't care what he calls us. He usually does call us mom and dad, but he also refers to a lot of other people by the same titles.. 30 foster placements will do that to a kid.... how many moms and dads have these kids seen? There's nothing special about the title to many of them, it's been warped over the years.

What matters is what's in that child's heart, the trust and love that takes years to grow.