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What disturbs me is the way people automatically accept the birthdad's explanation that he didn't know. It's as if all he has to do in his adult years is feign ignorance and people buy it. I can see situations of course where he might not know. After all, there are women who didn't tell for whatever reason. But I'm not going to accept "birthdad didn't know" as a blanket statement because it's harming for women.
It's also darn near impossible without valid witnesses for a woman to prove the guy did know. Once a man says he had no idea? It's his word against hers and his seems to usually win out.
Why is it that women must prove their morality but men are given a pass?
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WORD, Janey!
The thing that irks me about a lot (not all, but a lot) of men/boys in situations of an unplanned pregnancy is they tend to make weak excuses that are much more readily accepted. "I thought she was on the piiiiiiillllllll!" "I didn't knooowwwwwww she was pregnant" "I didn't think it was miiiiiiiiinnneeee!" Then there can be an overall passivity that just drives me bananas. This, in particular, struck a nerve with me:
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In our very first conversation, he repeated over and over, “I never heard back. I never knew for sure.” And “ “I never knew.”
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Why was no action taken on his part, or his parent's part if he was a minor, to FIND OUT for sure?? Why did he have to sit back and wait around hear back from someone rather than take a more assertive apporach??
I dunno. It seems with many bdads, they either do the denial thing, they skip out, shut down emotionally, or the total opposite, they want to control the whole situation and control the woman's decision, and not always because they care about the baby, but simply because they want to control the woman.
I don't think all bdads are like this, and I'm sure there are noteworthy exceptions, but many are, especially if they are young and immature. I can understand how they would be terrified and all, and that certainly they can feel badly about the situation, but I don't believe they pay the same price at all that bmoms do. Not by a long shot.