We just met AJ's firstdad this past Thanksgiving...He opened up a bit about his story...
He was 17 when D became pregnant...
Without going into specifics, he felt very much trapped in his father's home and really didn't feel that he could be raise a child, with or without D. When D mentioned adoption, he "agreed" it would be "best" for all three of them.
The part that absolutely devastates me is that as a minor, his father had to sign TPR as well. Not sure of the specifics (and neither is he), but M was called into the counselors office during school one afternoon before AJ was born. The counselor told him that his Dad had the paperwork sent over and that he needed to sign TPR. In school. In his counselor's office before his child was born. And he did it because he was just a kid and didn't know any better - he was doing what he was told.
And THIS is just one of many reasons why TPR prior to birth makes me sick to the pit of my stomach.
Anyway, fate intervened and we found each other and opened what was a closed adoption. This past Thanksgiving, he came back to MI and we met up. As we were talking, he told us that he feared we hated him, feared AJ would hate him and that he didn't know if we'd ever want to see or hear from him because he "abandoned" AJ for 7 years (man do I hate that word! I was just saying that last night...)
Anyway, we talked, I cried, we told him how important he was to ALL of us...He told us how he ALWAYS thought about AJ, especially when his son M was born. He wondered if AJ was smart, handsome, kind, funny, etc. And now he knows.
Now? We don't hear from him really. We write, he doesn't, but his wife will respond once in a while. I assume we'll hear from him on AJ's bday and Christmas, even though I hope one day he'll feel comfortable to respond more often.
JD's firstparents were together at the time, and wanted to parent, but in the end decided to make an adoption plan. It's not like they were or weren't supportive of each other, but they both were back and forth about it.
He's very reserved with his emotions as well. We hear from him about once a year, but obvious that he thinks about JD and loves him very much.