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I think it's terribly ironic that "natural" mother (which I don't like, anyway) was ditched, as I remember, not out of respect for all those "unnatural" adoptive moms, not at all as I recall, but out of respect for the placing parent.
As I understood it years ago, "natural" was deemed offensive because it conjures visions of uneducated, stupid, poor, bare-foot, rag-clad peasant pregnant women gestating for the well-to-do. Not much better than breeding cattle. It was offensive to placing mothers.
In fact, in social discourse, the adjectives "natural" and "native" applied to people came to be regarded as offensive and in some cases racist/classist in general, with a connotation of sub-human qualities.
"Birth" was chosen because, at the time and apparently not so much today, people felt the word valued the totality of conception, gestation/nurturing, and birth. "Birth" was a more relational, more socially neutral way to describe the relationship and had a nobler connotation.
Open adoption aspects of the relationship were not a part of the equation.
Titles do matter. Language, generally (not for every individual person), matters. Our language embodies our world view. That is, in large part, what makes language language and not just representational sound. Certain words and titles are more important than others--they are the landmarks by which we navigate in society and the world. So I don't think anyone should be dismissed for taking language to heart.
We don't have, in English, a word that means placing or entrusting parent or a parent that has placed or entrusted and is no longer a parent. We don't have, in English, a word that means a parent that has placed/entrusted and remains in the child's life and is no longer a parent. I don't know if any other language has words for those things but I doubt it.
Personally, I think any phrase anyone comes up with, will, over time, be found to be lacking or packing for somebody because the situation, for so many (not all) placing parents and perhaps parents as well, just will never be entirely comfortable or satisfactory.
Maybe, ultimately, our adoption model just doesn't fit the real world experience of most people and we should stop trying to act as if it "should be" the standard for everyone. Certainly, the model is changing and I think the effect of that shifting ground and not having clear language about it are two things that causes as lot of the turmoil we see on these boards. I don't know.
But as for the comeback of "natural," I am kind of shocked that a parent that has placed/entrusted would want the title that I've been taught and do feel is offensive to everyone.
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