[Janeytwo]

Hey guys!

Lots of good stuff here.

Kathy

I firmly know myself to be a forgiven child of God, and I have come to terms with who I am and the consequences of my actions.

Can we use this as a banner? Because it's awesome!!!



Peachy

I was going to work every day .....and getting so much grief. Even my boss said something derogatory TO MY FACE about insurance rates going up as a result of the company having to pay for my prenatal care and labor/delivery costs! Then, of course, afterward, many people were asking how was my baby and I had to explain that I placed him. It was really rough and though I did hold my head high, it was still hard to be judged all the time and have unfair assumptions made about me

((( Peachy ))) That took some big brass ones! That remark about not knowing the dad. Good grief!! It never ceases to amaze me how badly women can treat each other. I'll never understand it.

And what a horrid thing your boss said to you!!! That is inexcusable!!

With any luck, he's now sitting on the unemployment line trying to figure out how to get a job slinging quasi-grub at Burger King so he can pay his heat bill.

And through all that you held your head up and kept walking. (((( Peachy )))) You've been "standing" for years my friend.

I know this situation about work inside and out as it happened to me. I was a waitress and worked up until the week before my c-section. I think I told you about these 4 cops who came into the restaurant and sat at my section and when I went up to wait on them, one of them looked at me and said, "Where's your husband honey?" And they all looked at each other and snickered at me.

And after I placed that's when those two girls (one of whom I worked with) came into the restaurant to ask me if I knew who'd adopted my baby because somebody they knew had "just gotten" a baby girl and she looked just like me and they wanted to give "her mom" some of my information so that she'd have a better idea where her baby girl came from.

People are slime.

But what exactly does it mean to "quietly work through it?" What can be done concretely to facilitate this process? Is it to pray? Meditate?? Just say "I'm not going to go there and entertain those thoughts?"

Yikes! Oh Peachy, I used the wrong word. I didn't mean quietly in the sense of meditation. I meant quietly in the form of privately. My bad bud!!!

No, what I do is I have a breakdown at the keyboard for a minute or two then I PM people in here and use language that is quite frankly beneath me as a British woman and perfectable acceptable as a Motor City girl. Folks have gotten used to me and just respond back with hugs and support. LOL! Then I go and gripe about it to my hubby who rolls his eyes and says stuff like, "What are y'all babes fighting about THIS week?!" That's when I realize he's useless in this arena so I call a couple of people and talk myself down through their wisdom and compassion.

Only after all that do I sit quietly down and take a mental walk to God's garage. He always seems to see me coming. He shakes his head and grins and says, "Bout time ya got here, Janey. Ya done whining now, 'cuz I got some advice YOU can surely use!"


LOL! I have never claimed to be sane. Just simply as crazy as the rest of the humans.


TGMom

If I'm in a "heated debate" with X about ...... why I (for ME) prefer to be called a first Mom over other terms, or why I think that "real Mom" serves to undermine the value that BOTH first Mom AND adoptive Moms have - it's almost NEVER the person that I'm actually "talking" too...... But I can't tell you how many times I get PMs or emails or comments on the blog about how what I said really did make them stop and think.

I wasn't so much talking about what people call me in reference to my status. I can totally understand why this is important though (not negating that).

No. It's the names; the ugly accusations. Things like whore, baby killer (yeah - I've actually heard that one), "threw your kids in a dumpster", and the horrific things said by people on both sides of the abortion debate. I hear the "dumpster" thing a lot and am wondering if that has more to do with my being a double surrenderer.

It's that stuff that I can't afford to respond to anymore.

You know, when I first started this thread I was trying to figure out what it was I was trying to convey - or rather, how to convey it properly. I found my mind wandering into the past. I was thinking about my childhood and what it was like living during the Civil Rights movement. I was actually remembering the march to Selma (though I only ever saw that on TV on news shows about it when I was little. I wasn't there or anything.)

Martin said that no matter what anyone on the sidelines did, if they threw rocks and bottles, if they set dogs on the marchers, if they attacked; no one was to throw a punch back in return. They would simply get up if they could and keep marching forward.

I'm in no way an enlightened avatar of the likes of MLK nor is the plight of birthmothers comparable to the plight of African-Americans before or Martin. Far from it. But I can embrace his point in relation to myself in adoption.

They can throw all the bricks they like. I have to keep walking forward. Speech is empowerment but so is action.

Does that make sense?

Maybe I'm trying to figure out which battles to pick and which to avoid. THAT should only take the rest of my days! LOL!!!!


Amanda Thank you for your kind words! They are much appreicated!!!