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Anyway, I've thought about this a lot in the past week. I guess it's not so much about "coming out" as it is about responding to the name calling started by others. That's what I can't see reacting to.
Someone starts a conversation about bmoms and people rush in to correct them. I can't see the point.
Not that I want to live in a closet.....you're so right, Peachy. I'm done with that crapolio! But if I respond to the hateful comments, aren't I drawing attention to them?
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Okay.....I'm one of those that almost ALWAYS corrects people about what they call me (us)....I'm pretty picky about words and don't think it's "just semantics" - I think some words are laced with venom while others aren't...I also understand that sometimes the "good" words can be just as demeaning depending on the person using them.
And what I've found is this. If I'm in a "heated debate" with X about why I don't think expectant Moms should be called birthmoms, or why I (for ME) prefer to be called a first Mom over other terms, or why I think that "real Mom" serves to undermine the value that BOTH first Mom AND adoptive Moms have - it's almost NEVER the person that I'm actually "talking" too (btw, let me interrupt myself to apologize for the excessive quotation marks today!) that "gets" the message. But I can't tell you how many times I get PMs or emails or comments on the blog about how what I said really did make them stop and think. There are people that you are NEVER going to get through to.....and there are people that are looking to have those discussions and really take something positive away from it.
Can I keep this up 24/7?? No, some days I am flat out WORN OUT. It's HARD. But I think - how much worse would it be if there weren't anyone doing the work? We see how hateful people can be, and that's with other people constantly working to try to change the way people think about us, label us, stereotype us.