[JustPeachy]

Now I'm going to be jumping around a bit here!

Not that I want to live in a closet.....you're so right, Peachy. I'm done with that crapolio! But if I respond to the hateful comments, aren't I drawing attention to them?

I totally get what you are saying here, Janey, and you are right. Sometimes certain comments are not worth responding to, and if we know in the depths of our soul that those comments are untrue and hateful, why the need to "set the record straight" so to speak?

I sort of find it hard to believe too - about every single person being supportive. There's just no way. I'm with you there. I doubt that very much.

Forgive me, I know how cynical that sounds.

Oh, I know. I felt like I was being cynical too, but my experience and that of so many other bmoms I know (especially from the closed era) has been exactly the opposite. And the thing is, this woman who was the biggest proponent of being so open about her daughter was sent away back in the 70s, so her whole pregnancy was hidden. I was going to work every day (and this was in the 80s, when it wasn't so "shameful" to be unmarried and pregnant) and getting so much grief. Even my boss said something derogatory TO MY FACE about insurance rates going up as a result of the company having to pay for my prenatal care and labor/delivery costs! Then, of course, afterward, many people were asking how was my baby and I had to explain that I placed him. It was really rough and though I did hold my head high, it was still hard to be judged all the time and have unfair assumptions made about me (one of the big doozies was I "gave my baby up" because I didn't know who the father was!).

Because I realized I'd done more damage to myself than anyone else could've. I gave that rediculous accusation power when I reacted to it so completely that it took me over.

All I had to do was quietly work through it and move forward. Lesson learned.

That was so freeing. I can't begin to say.

These be some wise words, Janey! The thing that is hard for me is the quietly working through part, LOL!! I think, as I said before, I give too much thought over what other people think of me and I hate being misunderstood. Thing is, you simply cannot control what others think, and they will think what they want regardless. But what exactly does it mean to "quietly work through it?" What can be done concretely to facilitate this process? Is it to pray? Meditate?? Just say "I'm not going to go there and entertain those thoughts?" I think it's probably different for everyone, but it's one of those things that seems to really take a lot of clarity and effort to do. It's like the strong emotions can get triggered so easily and it takes so much strength to stop yourself and say "NO, I'm not going down THAT road again!"

When I feel attacked as a bmom, I try to "consider the source" to see what the other person is dealing with. I will sometimes engage in the dialog and sometimes just walk away, depending on how I am feeling. (If for some reason I'm feeling vulnerable that day, I will walk away,for my own sanity.)

Also very wise words here.