((( Peachy ))) !!!!!
It's so good to e-speak to you!!!
Jumping around here a bit if that's okay.
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I was part of the gossip mill and a lot of the nasty comments got back to me. It really was upsetting. Anyway, as I stated this, several other women chimed in to say that was incorrect, people have been very supportive of them, they simply didn't CARE what others thought, and they were very open about being birthmoms to pretty much everyone. I found this hard to believe.....
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I sort of find it hard to believe too - about every single person being supportive. There's just no way. I'm with you there. I doubt that very much.
Forgive me, I know how cynical that sounds.
Anyway, I've thought about this a lot in the past week. I guess it's not so much about "coming out" as it is about responding to the name calling started by others. That's what I can't see reacting to.
Someone starts a conversation about bmoms and people rush in to correct them. I can't see the point.
Not that I want to live in a closet.....you're so right, Peachy. I'm done with that crapolio! But if I respond to the hateful comments, aren't I drawing attention to them?
LOL! Here's a funny sidenote: I was talking to my SIL about this and she said that if anyone made ugly comments to her, her answer would be, "Thank you for your useless opinion. Does the warden know you're out?"
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To answer your question, NO, it doesn't matter what outsiders call us and their words don't define us. I know this intellectually. To me, it says more about THEM than about us. But emotionally, it just triggers those old feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, low self-esteem, and that what I did was wrong and shameful, even though I KNOW without a doubt, it was not wrong or shameful.
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((( Peachy )))
I understand totally. It does the same to me. You know, there was one accusation re. my decision to relinquish that had the power to destroy my equilibrium like no other. It had that much hold on me because I wasn't consciously aware of how much hold it had. (Hope that doesn't reek of circular logic).
Then....somebody either figured that out because they're whip-smart in that serial killer kind of way, or they'd picked up on my weakness through things I'd said. And they used that very insult to gain footing into my sense of self. I don't even think it was personal on their part - just convenient.
That was the best favor anyone's ever done for me because I realized it was my problem - not theirs. I was shaking, crying, getting upset. I PM'd everyone (including God) LOL!
I set about thinking of how to respond. I sat for a day feeling the pain of the accusation and then in the morning? I busted out laughing.
Because I realized I'd done more damage to myself than anyone else could've. I gave that rediculous accusation power when I reacted to it so completely that it took me over.
All I had to do was quietly work through it and move forward. Lesson learned.
That was so freeing. I can't begin to say.
Sigh....I am wondering if that's what everyone really wants. To tell their story and move forward secure in the knowledge that they matter if only too themselves.
Big hugs to ya! I miss your ever-wise words but I think we've been on different threads!!! LOL!!!