Interesting topic, Janey! I dunno, for me, I think it's just that I want so badly to not be misunderstood, not to be judged, and to have some sort of acknowledgement, and not to be kept in the closet as a birthmom.
I was at a birthmother's meeting last weekend and saying how I cannot keep a photo of my son on my desk at work, as nobody at work knows about my son, and it would just open up a huge hornet's nest. Now, I'm not ashamed and have never felt shame over my decision to place, but I have been very harshly judged, especially in the workplace when I was pregnant and placing. I was part of the gossip mill and a lot of the nasty comments got back to me. It really was upsetting. Anyway, as I stated this, several other women chimed in to say that was incorrect, people have been very supportive of them, they simply didn't CARE what others thought, and they were very open about being birthmoms to pretty much everyone. I found this hard to believe, actually, as in the beginning after I had my son, I would tell anyone about him, and my experience had been to have a few people be supportive, most feeling uncomfortable, and the rest very harshly judgemental, to the point of really personally attacking me with such venom, that I just could never understand. I expressed this at the group, and one of the ladies had a similar attitude as what you wrote here:
Quote:
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People either respect me or they don't. (Shrug inserted here). Who really gives a hoot? I respect me and that's good enough.
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She showed her daughter's picture (the only one she had as she was from the closed era) to anyone and everyone, and just didn't care what anyone else thought of her. I wish I had that kind of backbone, and I really wanted to pick her brain some more to find out what her response would be if she had someone firing back at her with really ugly words and judgements. Perhaps I'm just too sensitive and give a crap too much about what others think. As for me, I am only "out" to people I know and trust very well. I kind of feel it's not anyone's business at work, but at the same time, feel I'm "in the closet" because of that fear of being judged. To answer your question, NO, it doesn't matter what outsiders call us and their words don't define us. I know this intellectually. To me, it says more about THEM than about us. But emotionally, it just triggers those old feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, low self-esteem, and that what I did was wrong and shameful, even though I KNOW without a doubt, it was not wrong or shameful.
Not sure if I'm making sense here, but just wanted to share.