[Janeytwo]

Hey there! This is a personal vent/observation from one bmom to the other bmoms in here. And it's said with respect for all - and I do mean ALL as in everyone in here.


I have somes questions to ask of all of us bmoms.

What does it really matter what outsiders call us? Do the ugly words we've all witnessed define us?

I watch a lot of us in here rush to defend our positions. Why do so?

Seriously, are we in here to learn from others like us about reunion? Are we in here to share in order to heal? Or are we here to endlessly justify ourselves to people outside of our own experience?

Because I found myself doing that very thing a short time ago. I am so glad it happened too. It gave me an opportunity to appreciate what I know I am and what I know I'm not. I'd almost forgotten that. I'd begun to buy in to the garbage floating on the prejudicial sea (and by that I mean garbage as in opinion - not garbage as in people).


Look, there are always going be those out there who point their finger at everyone else on the planet, calling everyone else "less than", speaking of others in ugly, derogatory terms. Meanwhile, they're sleeping around on their spouse with their own sister's husband. Or they're embezzeling funds from the retirement accounts of the elderly; that kind of hoo-hah.

Do you see what I'm saying? Homo sapiens ain't the most redeemable species - myself included. But when we respond to nasty underhanded comments, we lend those comments credence. In an odd sort of way, we actually give them merit - in my opinion.

To rush out and say "No! No! That's not true! You don't understand! Look at who I really am!" is a waste of time and intellect.

People either respect me or they don't. (Shrug inserted here). Who really gives a hoot? I respect me and that's good enough.

I can rant privately when something hits my craw and things do. That's what friends are for, right? But I ain't handing someone a gun to shoot me with - if that makes sense.

I think it is imperative that we come to understand we owe no one an apology or an explanation outside of our children, ourselves and our God - not necessarily in that order. And no one owes us one either.

IMO - We have got to stop venturing outside of this forum looking for approval. And I think we need to be honest that that's partly what we're doing it when we rush in where angels fear to tread. Because we have residual unpleasant feelings re. adoption.

Okay, that's why the birthmoms forum is here, isn't it? So that we can reach out to each other, offer compassion to those who venture in here and hope, that through our words, someone somewhere will understand.

But if they don't? Well then they don't. That's their right. No one has to accept me. Who the frig am I? And more importantly, who the frig are they?

Approval, love of self, respect for oneself? All that comes from within not from without.

Just my thoughts for whatever they're not worth to ya.