[mrstak]

Thanks to each of you who replied. To answer a couple of questions, my Adoption is semi open or open. Not really sure how you would clarify it. It was a private adoption. The adoptive parents and I went through my pregnancy together, the a-mom wanted to be there and know everything I was going through. We don't use a third party for correspondence. I get pictures and letters every year without fail. The adoptive parents and I have left the door open to when he is ready he can contact me. We did not set an age or date.

I believe counseling would probably do me a world of good. I used to love to journal, but for some reason whenever I try to put my feelings on paper I just ended up going blank and crying my eyes out. Even right now I am having a hard time just thinking about it. I know I am trying to bury what I am feeling because I am afraid that maybe it is just to painful for me to take. I really don't know. I have always been the type of person who would never bottle things up inside, but for some reason I am pretty sure that is exactly what I am doing.