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I wish she'd either say, "YES I want you in my life and I love you." and then stay in it or tell me to get the hell out of her life for the rest of her life.
This yo-yo stuff drives me out of my mind. The minute I get used to not having her talking to me and not having her in my life because she ignores me and doesn't want me around, and I'm really OK with it, there she is again telling me she's sorry and how much she wants me around.
I get REALLY tired of it. So tired of it because I can't depend on her. I can't depend on a mature person doing mature things like being honest with what she wants from me and what she expects from me. She gets my emotions so wound up I can't function. It's not right. But nothing I can do about it.
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You could decide to sever ties. I know that is a harsh thing, but if you cannot accept the fact that your daughter will likely be this way for a very long time (and it seems to me that this is a deeply ingrained personality trait with her), and it WILL be a yo-yo type of thing, then the only other option is to go "no contact."
If, however, you can come to some acceptance of the situation, and realize that she will keep doing this, and keep her sort of at arms length, and put some emotional distance between the two of you, it might be better for you (and her).
I have a very similar situation with my own mother, who, for a number of reasons, simply cannot be in a "normal" relationship with me, or anyone, really. For the longest time, I would get sucked into her drama, and I totally understand how draining it is. I did go "no contact" for about a year, but always meant it to be a temporary thing. I had to work on setting some limits with her and I still have to struggle with my expectations of what I want from her and what she truly is incapable of giving to me. I am in touch with her but really have to keep her at a distance and not get too personal or close with her. That's not to say we can't have good times, but those good times are very inconsistent and the rest of the time she's mostly a hot mess. It is what it is. Rylee, I think you have expectations of your daughter that she simply cannot meet. She will likely never be the daughter you want to have, just as my mom will never be the mother I always wished for. It just is what it is. You can let it drive you crazy, or you can try to take whatever good is there and let go of the rest. If your daughter is being abusive, you certainly don't have to tolerate that. If she has a personality disorder (and it sounds like she may), it will be very hard to have any sort of stable relationship with her. I wish it could be different for you and her, but I would try to focus on other things. You cannot change any of this, but you can certainly do something about it in terms of choosing how you react and respond to it.