I am having a few things going on today that are really getting me in a sad and depressed mood.
First of all, a very dear friend is going to die very soon. It's a woman I've known for most of my life. She found out she had cancer only a couple months ago and she's been on chemo and other things trying to get rid of it and they decided to stop all treatments and just keep her comfortable until the end comes.
I feel so bad for her. She started having a pain in her shoulder or somewhere like that and went to the doctor and the next thing she finds out is she full of cancer and nothing can really be done about it except to try the chemo and radiation and whatever other thing that is to try to battle the cancer but it's all so painful and causes her to be so sick she can't stand it.
She's been in so much pain she can't stand it and no real relief from it. I just pray she will be able to go "home" soon to be with the Lord so she can be out fo her pain. Although we're all going to miss her, her pain is so intense death is better than what she's dealing with now.
The other thing that is getting me depressed is my daughter is again on IGNORE mode. I know she's online. I know she is doing things all the time and regardless of my trying to say hi or just "being here" she ignores me. Won't answer my IM's or emails. I don't write a lot of them just a quick, "hey how ya doin" kind of thing and she just won't answer me.
I know she's online because I see her Icon for the messenger and I see her in game rooms we both like to play and she knows I'm there but won't even acknowledge me.
One of the things that upsets me so much is in the past when I've been planning on sending her something (gift card for her b-day or that sort of thing) all I have to do is say, "I have some money for you." or "I have a gift for you." and she'll be IM'ing me all the time acting like my best friend.
She'll ask me for something here and there and once she gets whatever it is I'm sending she'll do the ignore thing again and act like I don't exist. She used to send things back in the mail and I was going to just give up on that kind of thing but one day she tells me that she isn't the one sending things back and would I please "try again". So I did.
When I've asked her after her LONG silences with me what was going on she'll tell me things like, "I wasn't online that was someone ELSE using my account." or "I didn't see you or get your IM's." Or any number of OTHER excuses she has for ignoring me.
I get SO sick of it. If she doesn't want to talk to me fine but don't lie to me when she finally does talk to me.
I don't write a lot of IM's or emails. It's only occasionally and they aren't very long or nosey. They are just the quick ones like I mentioned. Pretty much to just let her know I'm still around and available if she wants to chat.
I just hate this whole thing. I spend so much time thinking about STUFF that I am sending myself crazy here. On top of taking care of my mom and trying to do for myself and the upsetting news of my friend and everything else I don't know how long my brains are going to be in my head and not gray matter all over the ceiling and walls.
Rylee