[kakuehl]

Do you all remember the saying, "Those who don't know history are bound (or is it doomed?) to repeat it?" I think that's true of adoption too. "The more things change, the more they stay the same" is another saying that comes to mind. (I'm full of cliches today, sorry.) While the "rules" of adoption change, it seems to me that the emotions remain the same. Each side of the triad will continue to experience adoption based on their own situations. Even in open adoptions adoptees will question why and what it means for themselves that their birth family chose to relinquish them; birth moms will continue to struggle with loss. In fact, as I read the stories of many of the younger members in the forum as they struggle through open adoption both adoptive and birth parents comment how hard it is, especially since each seems to have different expectations. My hope is that the adoptees do benefit. The truth is that all of us struggle with loss; we can learn from each other when we listen to the stories of others.

Janey, I think that it is important that we remember that most of us who post aren't seeking to hurt others. There is no way I can know all your hidden triggers, for example, and I have no desire to trigger them. (Ok, there are times when I am counseling that I may seek them --- that is not something I do on line!) I was simply reminding all of us if two things: 1 that the way we hear a statement may not be what the speaker/writer was trying to say, and 2, that what I say or write may be understood in a way that I didn't intend.

I think, Janey and Raven, that all of us have something to offer. I can learn and grow from listening to any of us. The frustrating thing for all of us is when a person or persons do not respect that our feelings and experiences are true, because they are our own experiences. As a pastor, all I can do is "plant seeds"; I can't make the seed grow. As a teacher I can help you learn many things, but only when you are open to hearing my words. I thank God that I am not responsible for "growth"; my job is to share God's unconditional love unconditionally!