[cajjj]

Shadowrider, like Charlie Brown in the Charlie Brown Christmas, "THAT'S IT!!!!" You totally said it exactly right, and I really appreciated your post. Sound like you have been there, done that.

I think sometimes maybe as an adoptee I was hoping for some idyllic birth mother who was the perfect person, the perfect mother, but of course in this world there is no perfect being. I know noone is perfect, but it would have really helped if she would exhibit more insight and wisdom pertaining to me and to adoption/adoptee issues, that has been a disappointment and leaves me with my head shaking sometimes. If I try to discuss emotions, whether it be anger, hurt, or anything surrounding my feelings of being an adoptee, most of the time she IMMEDIATELY turns the focus onto her own pity party experience, like she never grew beyond that 16 year old girl, and really not capable of at least trying to have any understanding and maturity of me the adoptee from an objective point of view. It's kind of sad, and a little maddening to deal with.

I can say in all honesty if the roles were reversed I would be reading up on adoptees to better love and understand my child. I do know I read a good book about birthmothers that had to give up their babies when having a baby out of wedlock was such a taboo. I read the book a few years ago, before I had the reunion with her. I just happened to see it on display at the library and checked it out to read. It really opened up some emotions, and it was a very insightful book. I do remember reading how some of the mothers never got over it, and still ached for that child, etc, etc. I guess it would have maybe been nice if she had been like that, but maybe she had to put a shell over her heart, then again, maybe she really did just forget me.
It just leaves me with my mouth open how she can be so lacking in insight and maturity about reaching out beyond her self experience of a 16 year old giving up her baby for adoption and trying to understand my perspective as that baby who was given up by not only her, but her parents, my birthgrandparents, who pretty much insisted she do it. It does serve to create disappointment and dare I say, a little anger?


It's not something to dwell on, maybe with prayer she will come to stop being so self-absorbed about those things. It's been a good reunion in other ways, but in that no.