Sometimes I wish I had given my daughter to my Aunt and Uncle because at least I would have known where she was and if I wanted to sneak to see her (like hiding in the bushes or watching her on a playground at a school etc) I could have. I could have known her name as well.
However, my Uncle and Aunt were not the best parents in the world and would have probably been just as bad as who she was raised with. I don't know.
I just know it's very difficult for me to want to even look at them when there have been family gatherings where we've had to be in the same room. I won't talk to them.
I had another Aunt who had a daughter a few years younger than I am and she wouldn't let me come live with her either because I was a "bad influence" on her daughter and they just couldn't "expose her" to such things because she might end up getting pregnant.
Then you know what happened??? She told my mom and dad they were doing the right thing in making me give my baby up because "young girls shouldn't have babies because they won't take care of them and the parents have to take on that responsibility and that's just not right" GAG ME WITH A PITCHFORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I didn't live around her daughter and was not even in the picture when HER daughter got pregnant without being married!! You know what she did???? She (my other aunt) threw a baby shower, ENCOURAGED her to keep the baby (which she did) and helped her raise it until she got married!!!
Whenever my aunt and I have talked about the situation with my giving my daughter up because no one would help me, she said, "Well, it was your mom and dad's decision for you. If they wanted you to keep her you'd have been able to but you were too young at the time anyway."
Her daughter was 18 when she had her baby! I was 17 when I had mine! What the heck is the difference in the age but one year. 18 year olds are not much more "grown up" than a 17 year old!!! Especially since she had JUST turned 18!!
I just get so angry with the whole thing. I just want to stop being angry and forgive but I can't get past the fact that because I had sex and got pregnant I was the whore, the bad influence, the runaround, and whatever other thing they could come up with for the reason I shouldn't be respected.
That particular aunt has been one to cause so much trouble in the family. She's a busy body and a know it all and whenever she can she's gone to all of my siblings (who I already don't get along with very often for one reason or another) and tells them things that aren't true and have caused more problems between us than we already had.
Anyway............... I wish I could understand why all this is coming up right now. I just don't have a peaceful day sometimes for days in a row and this just sets me off so much. I wish I knew why.
Rylee
