[-maggie]

So I put it forth to you now: are you real? What does it mean to you to be a birth/first mother? If you could stand up on a soapbox in front of the entire world, what would you say? What would you want your children to know? What would you want your fellow human beings to know about you as a birthmom?

JMHO You are darn right I’m real!!! I am proud to be my daughter’s real mom and I am extremely proud of her!!! Just because I am her real mom doesn’t mean that her amom isn’t her real mom too!!! She has two real moms that love her to death and I am so happy that she does! Is it possible too have too much love? I refuse to compete.

I want my daughter & the world to know that her first mom loves her deeply and I am her mother... she has two. I love more than one child just as she can love more than one mother!

I totally dispise the word "real" in regards to adoption. I really don't see it as a competition. I do not know of a bmom that does. My daughter can call me whatever she wants. She is the only person that matters!

Originally Posted by RavenSong

I have tried daily to understand the adoptees' unique perspective and feelings in the collective sense on these boards. But birthmothers also have the right to voice their own feelings and thoughts about their own experiences, especially in this area of the forums. We may not be unique, but we are human beings, too. We do count...we do matter.

Raven, I too have been trying so hard to understand the adoptees unique perspective and also the aparents unique perspective, that's why I'm here on this site. I have learned so much!!! I only wish society could HEAR the bmom's perspective too. JMHO I do feel as if the general society (no person in particular) sees us as disposable. My impression is that they don't want to hear us. But, by golly, I think if we keep talking, eventually they will begin to understand. We do matter!

For what it's worth, I have always put my son first...in every way. I knew when I signed the relinquishment papers that it was the best thing for him, but the worst thing in the world for me. If I had known then what I know now, I would have torn those papers up and walked out the door. It caused too much damage to my own soul...and I don't think it did him any favors either in the grand scheme of things.

Raven, I feel exactly the same way! I am so angry with myself for believing all of the lies. I believed everything the aparents told me. I believed the agency. I believed my parents. If I could of known then what I know now, I wouldn't of gone through with it. The damage was too great.

I feel that adoption is ok when everyone is honest and an emom can make a decision knowing the truth and all of her options. I hope things have changed, but I think there needs to be some reform.