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Hi
I agree with Dpen that you are definitely trying to work out your own feelings and with that comes anger and hurt. I think it is all part of the "journey" that is reunion.
I have read alot and talked with many birthmoms. In the year you were born, girls were completely ostracized when they became pregnant at such a young age. They couldn't return to high school, they couldn't attend any school functions, the kids were supposed to stay away from them as they were bad influences and shame was brought upon the family. It is hard to imagine all of this because things have changed so drastically. If your bmom went through all of this, it could be very difficult for her to even "go there" with her emotions. Too hard to read about others experiences or to read about what we adoptees go through.
As someone who has had a lot of serious health problems I can understand your bmom. My adoptive family was extremely healthy. But I had health issues all of my life. And in my case, my adoptive parents couldn't understand why I was always sick. When I reunited with my bfamily - it became much more clear. My bmom had some serious health issues too. Its actually helped me because now I can tell doctors what to look for. And it is easy to get in a rut when every day is a struggle.
What we find in reunion is not always what we had hoped. We are all human and don't always make the best choices in our lives.
Your bmom sounds like a good person who is happy to have you in her life. I am so happy for you as my bmom had passed away before I found her. I feel like I know her through what my brothers and sisters have told me. But I would have loved to give her just one hug.
What you are experiencing as far as emotions and anger and all of the rest are so normal - that's why they say reunion is a "roller coaster" ride. And no relationship either adoptive or birthfamily is ever perfect. Our expectations and dreams can collide with reality. It does take a while, but I found in my own case that working through my feelings gave me a better understanding of myself.
Much happiness in your reunion.
Snuffie
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