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Originally Posted by JustPeachy
Personally, the more I think and read about adoption, the more I feel that it is still in so many ways a cruel system in terms of how it treats birth moms. I feel radical changes need to be made, and I'd like to see adoptions move more toward a struture where the birthparents were able to retain at least some of their rights and it was more of a shared, co-parenting type of situation. I don't like the punishing nature of adoption as it is practiced now, even in OA. The birthmom is making such a difficult and painful decision with the best interests of her child in mind, and for that she is treated as someone who must "pay a price" for not being able to raise her child. Why the need to be punative? I will never get this. If we know our limitations, and know we are not able to give our children what we feel they deserve and need, why does that make us "bad mothers?" On the contrary, I think that is something a GOOD mother does, and yet everyone will say we "abandoned" our children or "rejected" them. The whole thing makes me crazy!
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I hope you don't mind my two cents worth but this comment really struck a cord for me. I am an amom that fully supports OA and have been flamed for already telling DD's BMom that the title of Mother is fully hers and my title will remain Mom / Mommy. I fully share that DD has two women that love her unconditionally just as I felt that way about my SS (his mother didn't feel that way of course). But I can not imagine a situation where adoption would be a co-parenting arrangement. I can't have my rules over turned by my daughters BMom that is only around when we schedule a visit. I also don't think that, if we decide when DD is older and has sleep overs, that she will be allowed to come home and argue with me over rules as my SS did because he had two sets of them. Co-Parenting in my opinion is not adoption. That is like telling the adoptive parents, you are only temporary and in no real way a part of the childs life.
I really don't mean to offend but this definatly struck a chord with me. I will share my daughter as I have promised. But I am Mom and will make the rules.